There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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