This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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