I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
