True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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