I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
