stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
