everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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