you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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