does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
