I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
