Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
