ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
