Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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