i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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