I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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