I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
