You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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