worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
