dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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