I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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