ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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