last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
