were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
