I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
