Sry I called you an 8
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize