It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
