and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
