New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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