i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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