OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
