if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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