I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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