the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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