Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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