Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
