i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
