That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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