I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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