Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
