Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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