I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
