Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
