first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize