Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
