Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
