cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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