The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
