guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
