i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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