we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
