These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
