The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
