I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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