Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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