I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
whose parrot is this?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
