Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
