I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
