Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
