final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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