I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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