and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sober January is a disaster.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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