You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
