Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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