My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
