Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
