I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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