The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
