I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
